reflections on the research

I apologize for neglecting and postponing reports of intimate walks in the near and distant past. Sometimes I don’t find the time to immediately sit down after an intimate walk and report on the intimacy experienced. There are still some walks back in France that haven’t been reported yet. I feel guilty for having put these blog entries off for such a long time. For sure I don’t remember a lot of intimate details about these walks back in September. It’s a shame and a pity! And I find it a lack of respect for the people involved.
I realize that in most blog entries I have given a lot of attention to detail. They almost seem like chronological and psychological descriptions of a specific experience from A to Z. I am aware that I write very much from a subjective point of view. Therefore I always thought that by writing about my experience and my impressions I expose above all my own intimacy – and not so much the intimacy of the other. I think I’m quite ok with that.
But now I have started to question the value of my format. Why do I try to recount so meticulously the succession of events in each walk? Is the sense of duty to give a detailed and accurate report overshadowing the real search for intimacy?
I still believe that this project is about negotiating and finding intimacy. And this is different with each person. With some people I find more of an emotional connection, others stimulate me intellectually, and still others touch me by the shyness they provoke in me or by their own shyness. Yes I think intimacy has a lot to do with shyness for me. Is it ultimately about overcoming shyness? Could be.

I feel I need to change the way I write about these walks. Sometimes it is not even during the walk itself that intimacy happens, but in the café after the walk or the day after while watching a video. I think I want to focus more on the essence of what intimacy can be with each person. Otherwise it is mere memory work or I lose myself in the psychological analysis.