recent intimacy with Jan on top of loud music

To come out of my winter depression I have started to go out more.

Yesterday I met Jan from Leuven who does research on still births (when a baby is born dead). He studied history before and now is doing his PHD on the phenomenon of still birth. He places ads all over Belgium and then goes to people's homes who volunteer to talk about their experience. He interviews people. He is a good listener. But that evening at the Badhuis party he was talking a lot and I was listening mainly. Looking back I think it's quite special that he told me so much about still birth in this very loud party environment. I was genuinely interested in his research topic. Plus I found him very intelligent and quite attractive. I was feeling pretty good about myself yesterday - outgoing, slightly intoxicated, accommodating.

He has found that the most efficient way of interviewing people is not asking too many questions but just letting them talk. He tells them at the beginning that everything they are willing to share is of interest to him and that they cannot do anything wrong.

I found some similarities between his research on still births and my research on intimacy. Both raise the question of emotions in public. Fifty years ago parents dealt very differently with still births than nowadays. Then it was all about letting go and moving on. A still birth was met with silence. Doctors, midwives and other professionals assisting with the still birth dealt with the situation in a professional, detached way. Today intimacy, the sharing and voicing of emotions are stressed. Fathers are encouraged to hold the dead body close to their own body - a moment of bonding - fathers have yet to become fathers. Skinship. Skin-to-skin intimacy.

I was under the impression and under the influence. Jan had Flemish charm. Later we danced. For an academic he is a very good mover. I liked his structured and well reflected way of communicating with a subtle sense of humor. He has something very grounded and sincere. And I could tell that he loves what he does. He has a passion for it and is reliable and dedicated. Yes, I confess I was checking him out. I allowed myself to sense some underlying sexual tension.

Actually Lea was the reason we met. She likes to play matchmaker and is interested in opening up my vision for potential intimates. Thank you Lea. I enjoyed meeting Jan.
Too bad he is moving back to Leuven in one week where he will finish his research and Phd by September 2009. We left Badhuis together cycling towards Central Station. He lives very central in a small room in the red-light district. We stopped in front of his place for a while talking. I thought about the possibility of physical intimacy with him. I felt we were both too modest and nice. Yes I think he is a genuinely nice person. And I was afraid of involving him in my messed-up and complicated sex life. He gave me his Belgian number and talked about Stuk in Leuven and that I should apply for a residency there. We gave a good-night kiss. I said wel te rusten. And he said slaap wel in Flemish.