intimate email from Antonio

I was moved by your question... and all these questions and issues came to my mind:

is there such a thing as virtual intimacy? is there room in "virtuality" to let go our fears, our passions, cry, love and be fully one self? is intimacy a word compatible with screen and keyboard? do images and texts disposed on the virtual space reveal intimacy? in which way and to what extent?
i'm very doubtfull about this...utopically, i believe intimacy is a space of freedom between people. a space where you can let go all your shit, use sincerity against shame and be able to love someone fully with no feet on the ground. real beautiful intimacy doesn't need protections of the heart, fake smiles, lies and constraints. If that is ever possible to happen don't we need to be face to face, body to body? don't we need to share one's breath and one's stare? don't we need to hear each other's voice and each other's silence? then again, do we need to know each other's full history to be truly intimate?
Ultimately, intimacy and personality is a definitely a place of challenge, of beauty, of risk...don't know, but for sure, worth the try to feel the joy, the frustraition, the sadness and the happiness that goes around the love of sharing?
i'm really keen on this matter as i'm very interestedin people in socio-psychological-behaviour way.

INTIMATE___________PERSONAL___________________PUBLIC

How big is the distance from what you are in you intimacy from what you show of yourself publicly?

What diferentiates intimate from personal?

How much do I really know you and how much do you really know me?

What can 2, 3 or more people can do to get fully intimate with each other?

Is sex, kissing, hugging, touching, sleeping together acts of intimacy? ... ARE THEY REALLY?

How do you choose who you want to get intimate with? Really what are the criteria?

Are there types of intimate relationships? How are they different in intention, in energy and in degree?

Deep inside each one there are answers to those questions, and definitely more questions from these questions. It will never be clear, it will never be full...

There are moments in my life where i forget all these barriers, all the difference between things, all the taboos and all my ghosts. Everything comes out like a spasm, a vomit, a cry. I can be intimate in explosion with an audience, and disappear in silence with no ground below. when i feel there's room to share intimacy i can feel lighter, happier, freer, even younger. Intimacy with one another or with a lot of people is a precious gift and a much desired treasure...I am obsessed with Beckett. When i read his plays and novels, i keep asking myself -why do people insist in living close to one another? they are all so lonely, they exist so much in soliloque and they monologue ther brains off. In urban spaces(jungles) it's probably not so different, there is a lot of distance between people, a wide gap from heart to heart, desires have difficulty to meet, paranoia meets neurosis and bridges of lonely despair are built they after day. And we cry, and we weep. and we find ourselves empty and unsatiable, always needing more more more....more of what? more of substitituions and ideas to hold on to to calm down our urgent lack of closeness, of dialogue, of little affection, of pairs, of identification...call intimacy call it attention call it breath call it LOVE!

I'm always happy to notice that our work can enrich our spirit, bring up these questions and deal with them in the face or who knows, even overcome them!

all this and i got happier again. relieved. wanting to go back to my project of artistic education, even if it will not go in ontime and they don't take me because of virtual matters.

don't know what to say. it came out like this. don't know if i shall be sorry or happy. i guess your question made me go FIRE :) maybe PAF can be a place to work out these issues if you are interested...now i remember, it's been something you must have been working on, right? ANyway you brought it up, i reacted...( these lines...)

let me know what is under this.

see you soon mr swiss

kiss,

antonio pedro lopes

ps: when i'm able to be intimate with someone is when i ultimately forget of fuckin everything and go through the marvelous exercise of learning again. it can be magic or shocking, i guess you never know what you're gonna get until it happens! what i feel i do, for better or worst is i place myself too much in PARADOX. In the middle of it...opening up the possibility of still being everything. I guess that can also be interpreted as expereince of growth, search of the self and belief in our humanity...