Jonas was the first one who contacted me to go for a walk in Stockholm. Already two weeks prior to my arrival. So at least I knew there would be one walk happening for sure. We agreed by mail to meet at 4pm in Södermalm at the Hornstull metro station south exit. He wrote he was going to hold a minimalistic bicycle. I replied he would be able to recognize me by a white baseball cap. Finally today my first Stockholm walk. I arrived there 20 minutes early and walked once around the block. When walking around the block I noticed some soreness in my sacrum. From back-bending too much in my yoga practice last night. I tried to relax my sacrum and swing my hips a bit more to create more mobility in that area. I caught myself looking at my reflection in a shop window to makes sure my gait wasn't exaggeratedly effeminate now. It wasn't. I felt a new freedom and body awareness, but from outside the difference was minimal. I could feel it in my backbone that this intimacy project in Stockholm was going to open something in me. When getting back to the Hornstull south exit I became quite excited in a soft way. Differently from my previous intimate walks, this was the first time I was going to walk with a complete stranger. A crowd of pedestrians was crossing the street when the lights turned green and walked right towards me. I stayed there with this multitude of people coming at me and enjoyed the idea of opening myself up to all and any of them. A few young and not so young men passed me on more or less minimalistic bikes - but none of them was watching out for a white base ball cap. Then an sms. I'm at the corner. Wearing all black w bike. I looked up from my mobile phone and saw a black figure standing with a bike at the corner 50 meters down across the street. We waved at each other and I made a sign that I was going to cross to meet him on the other side. There he was: Jonas. He was wearing dark sunglasses, black pants and a black shirt. On his forearms he had tattoos depicting two birds. His hair was thick and black. He reminded me a bit of John Travolta in Grease. Or of the cool Portuguese bike mechanic and skater who used to fix my bike in Amsterdam. I'm not sure if I really thought this when I first saw him or if I'm only making these comparisons now in hindsight. But it's funny to realize how quick I go looking for references. Probably to help me feel more safe and reassured ... that what I see and am about to get to know more intimately is not completely foreign. Julia once brought my attention to this same habit I have with landscapes.
I had walked around Hornstull the day before and had seen some people swimming in the bay in that neighborhood. This morning I wrote a quick email to Jonas saying that I would bring my swimsuit. We shook hands and exchanged a few first quick sentences to downplay the awkwardness of this blind date situation. 'So this is your minimalistic bike.' was one of mine. 'So where would you like to walk?' one of his. He remembered my proposal for a swim and said he knew a good spot for that. On the way there he was pushing his bike beside him. It was a very light weight bike with very thin tires. We talked briefly about the intimacy project. I asked him how he was related to Kristina and found out that they had met in a bar over a couple of beers. He wasn't connected to her via university or the konsthall as I had suspected. He told me about his work as a photographer. He studied in Stockholm and one year in New York. He likes taking portraits of people and explained how people who are used to having their portrait taken always hit the same kind of poses and give him the same kind of looks. I had to think of the very fashionable locals I had spotted everywhere the day before. Then we arrived at the swimming spot. A little wooden platform with railings into the water. It was a quiet spot in a residential district. I found it very inviting. He made it clear though that he wasn't going to swim as he had been sick last week. I already wore my swim trunks underneath. I found it very generous of him and a bit selfish of myself that he was going to wait there while I had my pre-announced swim. And the weather was windy and overcast so first I thought I was going to decline as well. But then I thought: No, let's do it. It felt like a good decision to follow my desire and and not let the expectations I think the other person has of me stand in the way of getting intimate with my surroundings. That merging with the waterbodies of Stockholm felt like becoming intimate with the city at some subconscious level. I felt more open and eager to take in the majestic city and the unique personality of Jonas. He took some pictures of me swimming which made me feel a bit self-conscious, but another part of me was flattered to be shot by the photographer. From that point onwards I asked more questions and felt more awake and things flowed smoothly. We talked about the architecture we passed. About the temperament of the Swedish in winter and in the summer months. I asked him about his background which I had been curious from the beginning but didn't dare to ask right away. He was adopted from Guatemala but grew up entirely in Stockholm. He said that he didn't spend much time thinking about his origins and his adoption while growing up, but that he is now dealing with it . . . still dealing with it. He has been to Mexico City on an art scholarship, but not yet to Guatemala. We crossed a big bridge (the Västerbron) to Kungsholmen where we entered a park with an amphitheater. There we did the exercise of 5 minutes sitting in silence and just being present. First he was going to take some Ritalin. He explained me that he was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago and that Ritalin helps him focus and be more in the moment. I said not to worry, no pressure and felt a bit arrogant and responsible for proposing this exercise. But then we did it anyway since he insisted that he wanted to try it and thought it's good for him. And I felt very touched by his sincere effort to try this even though he said it wasn't one of his strengths to do meditative practices. He can meditate best on his bike in the crazy city traffic when his full attention is required to keep him safe. We agreed to start walking back towards Hornstull metro station, but then we passed a bouldering playground. And I said let's try this. We both had a few goes at climbing up the two boulders. He said that this was more like his kind of meditation and that he had always wanted to try bouldering and never had. I did it once with Swedish Daniel in Amsterdam in an indoor climbing hall. And I came across super nice boulders and boulder-climbers in Hampi, India. But it had never occurred to me that one could do this for free and without equipment in a park in Stockholm. If I lived here I would come here regularly to get that nice tingling sensation in fingers and lower arms. I also tried to promote the Osho dynamic meditation to Jonas. But bouldering and cycling is probably more up his alley. When our paths separated at the metro station I genuinely and enthusiastically said that I had had a great afternoon. And I think he enjoyed it too. My spirits had lifted from post - Sweet&Tender for the End of the World depression to an outdoorsy and active approach to a city and its inhabitants - and Jonas had been my intimate guide and barometer.
I sent the text to Jonas to double-check and this was his comment:
I´m ok with the text! Only thing would be that I wasn´t taking my ritalin to do the meditation, but rather, I have a time every afternoon i have to take them. It´s when my morning-dose wears off. It just happened to be right when we were about to start the 5min meditation. Perhaps you could change that? Or if its to hard to rewrite, just take it out completly? Just that I´m kind of sensitive about what language is used about theese sort of diagnosis and medicines You know, people thinking that kind of medicine is to get high or whatever rather than to just be on level...
I had walked around Hornstull the day before and had seen some people swimming in the bay in that neighborhood. This morning I wrote a quick email to Jonas saying that I would bring my swimsuit. We shook hands and exchanged a few first quick sentences to downplay the awkwardness of this blind date situation. 'So this is your minimalistic bike.' was one of mine. 'So where would you like to walk?' one of his. He remembered my proposal for a swim and said he knew a good spot for that. On the way there he was pushing his bike beside him. It was a very light weight bike with very thin tires. We talked briefly about the intimacy project. I asked him how he was related to Kristina and found out that they had met in a bar over a couple of beers. He wasn't connected to her via university or the konsthall as I had suspected. He told me about his work as a photographer. He studied in Stockholm and one year in New York. He likes taking portraits of people and explained how people who are used to having their portrait taken always hit the same kind of poses and give him the same kind of looks. I had to think of the very fashionable locals I had spotted everywhere the day before. Then we arrived at the swimming spot. A little wooden platform with railings into the water. It was a quiet spot in a residential district. I found it very inviting. He made it clear though that he wasn't going to swim as he had been sick last week. I already wore my swim trunks underneath. I found it very generous of him and a bit selfish of myself that he was going to wait there while I had my pre-announced swim. And the weather was windy and overcast so first I thought I was going to decline as well. But then I thought: No, let's do it. It felt like a good decision to follow my desire and and not let the expectations I think the other person has of me stand in the way of getting intimate with my surroundings. That merging with the waterbodies of Stockholm felt like becoming intimate with the city at some subconscious level. I felt more open and eager to take in the majestic city and the unique personality of Jonas. He took some pictures of me swimming which made me feel a bit self-conscious, but another part of me was flattered to be shot by the photographer. From that point onwards I asked more questions and felt more awake and things flowed smoothly. We talked about the architecture we passed. About the temperament of the Swedish in winter and in the summer months. I asked him about his background which I had been curious from the beginning but didn't dare to ask right away. He was adopted from Guatemala but grew up entirely in Stockholm. He said that he didn't spend much time thinking about his origins and his adoption while growing up, but that he is now dealing with it . . . still dealing with it. He has been to Mexico City on an art scholarship, but not yet to Guatemala. We crossed a big bridge (the Västerbron) to Kungsholmen where we entered a park with an amphitheater. There we did the exercise of 5 minutes sitting in silence and just being present. First he was going to take some Ritalin. He explained me that he was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago and that Ritalin helps him focus and be more in the moment. I said not to worry, no pressure and felt a bit arrogant and responsible for proposing this exercise. But then we did it anyway since he insisted that he wanted to try it and thought it's good for him. And I felt very touched by his sincere effort to try this even though he said it wasn't one of his strengths to do meditative practices. He can meditate best on his bike in the crazy city traffic when his full attention is required to keep him safe. We agreed to start walking back towards Hornstull metro station, but then we passed a bouldering playground. And I said let's try this. We both had a few goes at climbing up the two boulders. He said that this was more like his kind of meditation and that he had always wanted to try bouldering and never had. I did it once with Swedish Daniel in Amsterdam in an indoor climbing hall. And I came across super nice boulders and boulder-climbers in Hampi, India. But it had never occurred to me that one could do this for free and without equipment in a park in Stockholm. If I lived here I would come here regularly to get that nice tingling sensation in fingers and lower arms. I also tried to promote the Osho dynamic meditation to Jonas. But bouldering and cycling is probably more up his alley. When our paths separated at the metro station I genuinely and enthusiastically said that I had had a great afternoon. And I think he enjoyed it too. My spirits had lifted from post - Sweet&Tender for the End of the World depression to an outdoorsy and active approach to a city and its inhabitants - and Jonas had been my intimate guide and barometer.
I sent the text to Jonas to double-check and this was his comment:
I´m ok with the text! Only thing would be that I wasn´t taking my ritalin to do the meditation, but rather, I have a time every afternoon i have to take them. It´s when my morning-dose wears off. It just happened to be right when we were about to start the 5min meditation. Perhaps you could change that? Or if its to hard to rewrite, just take it out completly? Just that I´m kind of sensitive about what language is used about theese sort of diagnosis and medicines You know, people thinking that kind of medicine is to get high or whatever rather than to just be on level...
Oh, and the diagnosis is actually ADD. ie no Hyperactivity, hehe.
Put what I write here into the blogentry also if you want.
Anyway a very sweet text.
Really wanna try bouldering now.....
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